Warning…long post :0)
There have been many studies on dreams and their meanings as
well as a lot of speculation- I am not a dreams expert, but I know that there
has to be a correlation between my nightmares and adoption-related stress.
Oh my goodness, for the past three years I have been
experiencing way too many crazy nightmares!
The crazy thing, they are all about the same… I am a former
teacher but in my nightmares I am back teaching and each and every time I find
myself trying to teach but unable to do so because there are tons of unruly
kids that do not listen and are just going crazy hitting each other, trying to
go outside without supervision and just out of control. In my nightmares, I am
always freaking out about my inability to control the situation and I am very
concerned about parents labeling me as an incompetent teacher.
During the past three years I have had some variations of
the same nightmares For example, I am taking my students on a field trip when
all hell breaks loose. Again there are way too many students(and I have no
help) while the kids are going wild running, hitting each other and carrying on
while I worry about my inability to control the chaos, again freaking out about
losing kids, kids getting hurt while under my care and my concerns about
parents’ reactions about all the craziness.
I always ask my Honey, what do you think about it? At first he
would suggest that maybe subconsciously I miss teaching? (Doesn't make
sense to me because there are no good feelings, more like dread) But this
morning when I told him I had another one of my nightmares, he suggested
something that made more sense to me- He suggested, maybe a subconscious
expression of my fears/concerns about bonding issues, inability to properly
care for my child, health-related unknowns, worries about not being able to
handle unknowns and dread about being judge by others about not being a good
mom etc… Not sure but I think that makes more sense to me. I guess I worry too
much, I have to relax and trust that God will guide the way. On my part I have
…
What else is crazy? Cravings:0) yep I must have my Edy's Coconut Fruit Bars and mangoes (not
at the same time)
I know that’s silly, I know I can’t be having
cravings, is not like am pregnant but I am totally addicted to them and I do
get cranky if I don’t have them! Luckily I have an amazing husband that makes
sure I have a supply readily available just in case I decide to grab one (my
Honey rocks!)
Oh my goodness what’s going on with me? I would love to know if any other PAPs have
experienced anything like it. I considered asking in adoption forums but I am
too embarrassed to do so. They may think I am just going loca!
I have to chill out! I know I have prepared as
much as I can (and am sure I will learn more as I go) but so far I have done a
lot of reading, webinars,
talked to other families and read more websites than I can count in preparation
for the adoption of our child. Yet, I think no matter how much I try, nothing
can fully and completely prepare us for all the changes coming our
way...
I think I have to release some
stress, so I guess I need some retail therapy ;0)
Image from Pinterest :0)
