Nightmares and cravings...

Warning…long post :0)

There have been many studies on dreams and their meanings as well as a lot of speculation- I am not a dreams expert, but I know that there has to be a correlation between my nightmares and adoption-related stress.

Oh my goodness, for the past three years I have been experiencing way too many crazy nightmares!

The crazy thing, they are all about the same… I am a former teacher but in my nightmares I am back teaching and each and every time I find myself trying to teach but unable to do so because there are tons of unruly kids that do not listen and are just going crazy hitting each other, trying to go outside without supervision and just out of control. In my nightmares, I am always freaking out about my inability to control the situation and I am very concerned about parents labeling me as an incompetent teacher.

 During the past three years I have had some variations of the same nightmares For example, I am taking my students on a field trip when all hell breaks loose. Again there are way too many students(and I have no help) while the kids are going wild running, hitting each other and carrying on while I worry about my inability to control the chaos, again freaking out about losing kids, kids getting hurt while under my care and my concerns about parents’ reactions about all the craziness.

I always ask my Honey, what do you think about it? At first he would suggest that maybe subconsciously I miss teaching? (Doesn't make sense to me because there are no good feelings, more like dread) But this morning when I told him I had another one of my nightmares, he suggested something that made more sense to me- He suggested, maybe a subconscious expression of my fears/concerns about bonding issues, inability to properly care for my child, health-related unknowns, worries about not being able to handle unknowns and dread about being judge by others about not being a good mom etc… Not sure but I think that makes more sense to me. I guess I worry too much, I have to relax and trust that God will guide the way. On my part I have …

What else is crazy? Cravings:0) yep I must have my Edy's Coconut Fruit Bars and mangoes (not at the same time)

I know that’s silly, I know I can’t be having cravings, is not like am pregnant but I am totally addicted to them and I do get cranky if I don’t have them! Luckily I have an amazing husband that makes sure I have a supply readily available just in case I decide to grab one (my Honey rocks!)

Oh my goodness what’s going on with me?  I would love to know if any other PAPs have experienced anything like it. I considered asking in adoption forums but I am too embarrassed to do so. They may think I am just going loca!

I have to chill out! I know I have prepared as much as I can (and am sure I will learn more as I go) but so far I have done a lot of reading, webinars, talked to other families and read more websites than I can count in preparation for the adoption of our child. Yet, I think no matter how much I try, nothing can fully and completely prepare us for all the changes coming our way...

I think I have to release some stress, so I guess I need some retail therapy ;0)

 

Image from Pinterest :0)